My Poo Smiled at Me

You ever just have one of those days? I'm so anal about things and compulsive that it's a bit absurd. I can't for example, explain my story with a title like, "My Poo Smiled at Me," without first letting you know that I washed my hands before I approached the keyboard.

I forgot what I was doing at work the other day while I was working and then remembered that earlier in the day, while I was on the toilet that I really wanted to take an online test to find out if I have A.D.D. I would imagine that I have it, since I have to repeat, "take online ADD test" to myself a hundred or so times on my trip from the bathroom back to my desk so I don't I'll forget to take the test. Despite my efforts I forgot to take the test and ultimately remembered a few hours later.

I began my search for a test and found one. I started to answer all these questions. The one the stuck out the most was something about trying to read a book and skipping to the end or middle or what ever because you can't focus on the material you're actually reading. I totally do that. And all these kinds of tests are stupid because you know how the answer you give will affect your test unless you're a total idiot. Like, "do you think you're attractive," on a self esteem test or something. A few seconds later I caught myself skipping down to the bottom of the page to find out just how many questions there were on this little test of self-exploration. When I realized that I was doing basically the same thing as the question about the book I just closed the window diagnosed myself.

Dealing with the fact that I have A.D.D. made me feel like poo. And then some days you just feel like poo for no reason. I'm not trying to sound like a downer, but you know days where you just don't feel like seeing people. This doesn't happen to me that often considering I'm not able to go to the gas station alone, but today was one of those days. Clearly, since I'm not out binge drinking somewhere, I have the kind of time sitting at home to write about my poo on the computer.

I was feeling especially off today about a number of different things that I wont bore you about. It's funny though, getting down, because at some point you have to come back up. And depending how far down you are, it takes different experiences to come back up. I must not have been too far down today because I was just sitting on the toilet thinking about how everyone else will do something tonight while I chose to stay at home. That doesn't make me a loser; it just means I'm going to have some time alone on a Saturday night? Anyway, I was having a really good poo. Like the kind that's nice and solid and feels like it will be a one or two wipe poo instead of a never ending wipe poo. I'm sure you follow. It's the one act, I'm certain, that we all experience universally. It is the poo that binds us together. Anyway, so I'm dropping a good one and finish. I wipe, twice, cause as I predicted it was pretty clean.

As I dropped the second piece of toilet paper into the toilet I realized that several pieces of my poo had floated apart. One longer curved piece at the bottom, the little tiniest piece right in the center of the bowl, and to equal medium sized pieces floating just at the top. Did my poo just smile at me? That's awkward. I mean, what do you do in a situation like that? It's not like being in a bar where you see someone you don't want to run into, and you both see each other but pretend the other person isn't there. This wasn't like this; my poo looked right at me. I thought it best to smile back. It was the polite thing to do. I flushed and washed my hands paying special attention to the sink so as to not watch my poo smile swirl away. And in some silly way, my poo made me feel happy. It's like being a little kid when your parents get so excited for you because made poopie.

The next time you poo, have a peek. It's like laying on the grass on a warm day and staring up at imagination clouds, well, sort of.